Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood

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Role play can help our children understand other people’s perspectives, how someone’s actions can make another person feel and how this can affect relationships. Provides the child with more information than a command does (e.g., "I need you to hold my hand while we walk in the parking lot so I can keep you safe." instead of "Hold my hand.") Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood by Linda K. Murphy Difficulties with social interaction – our children may not always understand the ‘unwritten rules’ of social interaction or non-verbal communication including body language and tone of voice. speaking about them in positive terms to other people e.g. “Millie has an amazing imagination, she always thinks of really good games to play” or “Luke really makes me laugh, he’s such good fun to be with.”

This type of language also opens up the chance for them to problem solve on their own instead of you telling your child to specifically do something (e.g., "Put your shoes on!"). Asking before touching/hugging your child as some children are sensitive to touch – or equally some children may like the comfort of deep pressure and may feel well regulated using weighted blankets or similar. Interoception (internal senses from your body, such as hunger, thirst, pain and needing to use the toilet)Usually, it's a statement that shares what one knows, observes, or thinks. A declaration, if you will. Makes sense given that it's called declarative language, right? Do you know a child that gets upset when their routine changes? They might also struggle to see the big picture, to make friends, to problem solve in real time, and to read nonverbal communication. Meltdowns, tantrums and other challenging behaviors might be common.

I have mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, reducing imperative/commanding language can be critical for working harmoniously with some children (neurodivergent or not!), but particularly with PDA kids. On the other hand, one of the biggest pet peeves that autistics have with allistics is their frustrating tendency to not speak clearly and say what they mean! What we can hope to see in a child or an adolescent who has been on the receiving end of declarative languageOur children often need support in relation to processing language and social interaction. A speech and language therapist can assess a child’s communication and interaction skills and make detailed recommendations. Our helpful webinar on this topic is useful place to start – a few top tips are shared below: Communication It's flexible since there's often more than one way to respond to a statement or sometimes no response is required (e.g., "I see a rainbow over there." instead of "What do you see in the sky?")

In addition, we’d like to draw your attention to these additional sources of information, topics or fields of study which we feel are helpful in furthering understanding about PDA. Declarative language is quite different, in that it does not require a response from the other person. The purpose of declarative language is to share information, which then invites the child to engage on their own terms. Interestingly, many children actually respond better to declarative language, and their communication ends up increasing! Examples of declarative language include:Just like giant pandas, our children can thrive in the right environment – in place of firm boundaries and the use of rewards, consequences and praise, an approach based on negotiation, collaboration and flexibility tends to work better in PDA households. Top tips include: Plenty of opportunity for movement e.g. scooter, trampoline, running and bike rides for those who seek plenty of movement Yeah, and the other thing I think all of this creates is very much a partnership, where we are the guide, and the learner is open to our guidance. And once you have that anyone can learn anything as long as both people are in that mindset. I think where learning gets hard is when maybe the teacher is not guiding but directing. So it leaves less space for the learner, or where the learner is shut down to learning for various reasons, learning stops then. So when you use this style, you know, we are thoughtfully guiding, but our learner becomes open to that guidance, and that’s just a really important part of it.

I personally find that the easiest way to get started with declarative language is to think of ways to start your comment off with words and phrases like let's, I noticed, I wonder, or I see. Then once you get the hang of it, you can move to other types of phrases. It's also important to remember that declarative language isn't about demanding your child to do things. So try rephrasing any directions that you give your child into an observation instead.

Being cautious with rewards/praise/sanctions

At first, you might not think that making a comment or a statement instead of a question would make all that big of a difference. But declarative language is powerful! Develops social skills such as joint attention, perspective taking, social reciprocity, collaboration, and more (e.g., "I heard your brother calling your name. Let's see what he wants." instead of "What did your brother say?") Here are some of the benefits of using declarative language, including some example. There's likely more than what I cover below, but it will give you a taste of what you can expect. It sounds wonderful. And I can imagine listeners being like, oh, my god, how am I going to do all of those things? How am I going to stay present when I’m being triggered and know the right thing to say and respond and be nimble enough to know that the kid I’m talking to today has different things going on than the kid I talked to yesterday? So just as a way to invite parents to be open to this and not putting that pressure on themselves? What would you say to a parent who, who’s curious and wants to kind of play with this or start experimenting with declarative language, but are feeling overwhelmed by the expectations of how they do it?